Người Ấy Là Anh

Đối Thủ Kỳ Phùng, tôi chưa bao giờ và cũng chưa từng xem bộ phim này, tuy nhiên nhờ có bộ phim này mà chúng tôi quen nhau. Anh là diễn viên truyền hình, được khá nhiều khán giả xem đài nhớ mặt nhớ tên. 

Đó là một buổi sáng mùa xuân Hà Nội se se lạnh, qua khung cửa kính, tôi nhìn thấy những giọt mưa nhẹ nhẹ rơi, lất phất, bay bay. Ở nhà hàng bên trong khách sạn, tiếng máy quay, tiếng đạo diễn hô vang lệnh diễn, chen lẫn trong đó là tiếng nhạc nhè nhẹ du dương. Nhà hàng này là do đoàn phim thuê làm địa điểm quay. Vì có mẹ nuôi là diễn viên tự do, nên tôi được theo diễn cùng bà ở một phân cảnh ngắn trong phim. Khi đóng phim, dù chỉ là một vai diễn phụ, tôi cũng cảm thấy rất vui. Cảm giác như cả thế giới đang vây quanh mình, nổi bật và hãnh diện. 

Khi ấy, tôi gặp anh. Anh thật giống Hưng. Đúng, Hưng, mối tình đầu của tôi, người tôi yêu và trân trọng vô cùng. Dáng người cao lớn ấy, ánh mắt ấy, mái tóc ấy, phong cách ấy, dáng đi ấy, giống đến nỗi tôi ngỡ mình gặp ảo giác. Người đàn ông này sở hữu nụ cười đầy thu hút, ánh mắt lấp lánh đa tình, anh còn mặc trên mình bộ vest giống như Hưng đã từng mặc, tay anh đeo chiếc đồng hồ Rolex giống Hưng từng đeo. Tôi đã không thể rời mắt khỏi anh một phút giây nào cả. 

Tôi tự hỏi, “ Tôi đang mơ ư? Tại sao trên đời lại có người giống nhau đến thế? Giống từ những hành động nhỏ nhất trở đi”.

Anh khi ấy trông lớn hơn Hưng khoảng năm đến sáu tuổi. Tôi quyết định tìm anh. Mạng internet quả thực thần kỳ, nó giúp người ta dù ở xa nhau đến mấy cũng vẫn nhìn thấy nhau, giúp chúng ta tìm thấy người cần tìm dù đã bặt tin từ rất lâu. Nhờ mạng internet, tôi tìm thấy anh. Nói chính xác hơn là tôi tìm thấy Facebook của anh. Tôi chưa bao giờ xem phim truyền hình Việt Nam nên cũng không biết gì về anh. Facebook cá nhân của anh không có nhiều người theo dõi, nên tôi nghĩ chắc anh thỉnh thoảng đóng phim cho vui mà thôi.

Suy nghĩ ít ngày, tôi quyết định gửi tin nhắn cho anh.

Tôi không nhận được phản hồi ngay, mà phải mấy ngày sau đó. Chúng tôi nói chuyện với nhau. Qua tìm hiểu, tôi biết anh đã ly hôn và có một có cô con gái rất dễ thương. Tôi không quan tâm điều đó. Tôi chỉ muốn hiểu thêm về anh, nhìn thấy anh mỗi ngày.

Sau nhiều lần nói chuyện và gặp gỡ, chúng tôi trở thành một cặp tình nhân khá đẹp đôi. Cùng nhau đi xem phim, cùng nhau đi xem kịch, cùng đi hát karaoke, chúng tôi hẹn hò như những người yêu nhau vẫn thường làm. Anh là diễn viên, lại có giọng hát khá hay, đi đến đâu cũng có các cô, các thím cũng xin chụp ảnh cùng. 

Nhiều lúc tôi thấy mình lạc lõng trong thế giới của anh. Tôi có cảm giác anh không giống Hưng như tôi vẫn tưởng tượng. Chúng tôi không đồng điệu. Anh có vẻ rất thích nhậu, còn tôi có lẽ đã qua cái tuổi thích ăn chơi xay xỉn. Thời gian đã khiến tôi thay đổi, tôi không còn là một cô nữ sinh bốc đồng, thích tụ tập tiệc tùng. Sau nhiều biến cố, tôi trở nên nữ tính hơn, trầm lặng hơn, dịu dàng hơn so với trước đây rất nhiều. Tôi không còn thích mùi bia rượu như trước, nhưng tôi vẫn cứ theo anh, vì tôi yêu anh và biết anh rất đặc biệt. Bên anh tôi hạnh phúc, tôi được yêu thương. Trừ những điểm tôi chia sẻ kia, anh là một người đàn ông rất tuyệt vời, rất tình cảm, rất chân thành và khiêm tốn. Cũng nhờ anh mà tôi học được khá nhiều điều về cuộc sống. Tôi cảm thấy mình thực sự yêu anh rất nhiều.

Thời gian yêu anh, tôi gặp khá nhiều phiền phức. Anh là diễn viên, được các cô gái và mấy thím rất yêu thích. Khi tôi đăng ảnh chúng tôi bên nhau lên Facebook, có những tin nhắn gửi tới hăm doạ tôi, nói tôi là kẻ thứ ba. Thật sự tôi không hiểu chuyện gì xảy ra. Tại sao họ lại nói thế? Tôi im lặng không trả lời. Tôi biết anh là người của công chúng, chuyện được phái nữ hâm mộ rồi yêu thích là rất bình thường. Nghĩ như vậy, tôi bỏ qua các tin nhắn đó.

Mạng internet là ảo, nhưng tổn thương nó gây ra là thực. Nói đúng hơn là những tổn thương do người dùng nó gây ra cho tôi là có thực. Tôi từng nghĩ nếu mình bỏ qua các tin nhắn ấy thì sẽ không phiền muộn. Tôi đâu biết yêu nghệ sĩ lại phiền phức đến vậy. Thế giới của họ thật phức tạp. Các tin nhắn tôi nhận được có mức độ phỉ báng quá đáng tăng dần lên. Tôi không muốn cuộc sống của mình bị đảo lộn vì họ. Tôi yêu anh, nhưng tôi muốn tự bảo vệ mình, muốn sống một cuộc sống bình yên, không rắc rối. Vì vậy, sau những dằn vặt, tôi lặng lẽ rời khỏi mối quan hệ với anh. 

Ra đi, tôi biết mình có lỗi với anh nhưng tình yêu của tôi không đủ lớn để vượt qua các rào cản. Tôi âm thầm cầu chúc cho anh thật hạnh phúc, bởi anh là một người đàn ông đặc biệt, đáng để chăm sóc và yêu thương trọn đời. Tôi may mắn khi gặp anh, anh xứng đáng có được tình yêu của một cô gái bao dung, vị tha và mạnh mẽ hơn tôi.

Tina Yuan

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